I Can’t Adult

I had a breakdown a few weeks ago. It’s been a little over six months since I entered the wilderness of true adulthood. So far I’d been able to navigate through the jungle of mature life without a hitch, and I was holding my head high. Pride goeth before the fall. I woke up one morning to the realization that I had failed, failed hard. Shit had hit the fan, so to speak.

Here’s the short version of what happened: I ran out of contacts, my glasses were cracked, I missed the due date for my first college loan payment, my prescription expired (with only two pills left), and I realized I hadn’t been to the dentist in almost two years (gross).

HOLY MOTHER OF BREADSTICKS.

I had a mini-freakout. I called my oldest sister, and I don’t remember much but I think I just kept repeating the words “I can’t adult, I can’t adult, I can’t adult..” I vented to my co-workers hoping to hear some stories about their own initial failure at “adulting” and all I got was laughter and confirmation that I was definitely failing at life. (bless their sweet loving hearts)

So what do you do when you’re failing at being a functioning grown up? Well, I’ll tell you. After crying about it to anyone who will listen, you pull up your damn britches and you ADULT.

I probably spent about three hours on the phone the next day. (The worst part of being adult has GOT to be making doctors appointments). I made an appointment with my eye doctor, dermatologist, and dentist, got a months worth of my medication to last me until my appointment, found one new contact for my right eye in the back of a drawer. (the left eye is still just hanging on, if I wink at you it’s probably because I can’t see anymore). Oh and there is this awesome thing called “grace periods” for loan payments so suck it, late fee!

Learn from my example people. Just get your shit together.

Footnote: I’m fully aware I used the noun “adult” as a verb in this post. Don’t worry, I cleared it with my roommate who has a Bachelors in English and Masters in Journalism, she said it was okay just this once 😉

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